3 Commentators, and 5 models carrying crosses:
“Upwardly Mobile Cross”……………….
1st Commentator: Ladies and gentlemen, admirers of high fashion - we want to welcome you to the first showing of this year’s line of designer crosses. We understand that some of you are new to our line of specialty crosses, so permit us to describe our product. We want you to share our enthusiasm for how we clothe the Christian community in America.
2nd Commentator: Designer crosses are specially designed crosses for the Christian who wants to make a faith statement……….
3rd Commentator: ….without, of course, offending anyone or giving neighbors reason to think we’re too fanatical or radical.
2nd Commentator: We’re an old company – we opened our first outlet back in the first century in that wild, crazy, fun town of Corinth. Our business has flourished ever since.
3rd Commentator: Except for those occasional recessions when Christians are called back to spiritual renewal based on living out their faith in word and deed. Sales do suffer at such times, but only temporarily.
2nd Commentator: We have always quickly rebounded from such setbacks, and we are currently doing a booming business, especially with the present generation.
1st Commentator: But enough of our history. Let’s get to this year’s fashionable line of designer crosses. Our first cross today was a top seller during the eighties, and is still our most popular – our Upwardly Mobile Cross. Modeling our cross today is Gloria Van Shallow of Las Vegas. The Upwardly Mobile Cross appeals to the trendy Christian in all of us. If the church is the best place to be seen in town, then this cross is for you. It’s tastefully decorated with symbols of power and control – a cross that lets your worldly friends know that you’re really okay after all.
3rd Commentator: With this cross you’ll never have to think about your faith or be bothered by the needs of others around you.
2nd Commentator: Thank you, Gloria. Our second cross is the ever-popular Comfy Cross. Modeling the Comfy Cross is Wendy Y. Risk. Wendy shows us a cross for the Christian who is looking for a comfortable faith.
1st Commentator: If you’re longing for no challenges, no disappointments, the Comfy Cross is for you. Pretty and fluffy, this cross comforts and protects its owner from all the troubles of the world.
3rd Commentator: …..Especially those tensions that are part of being a Christian in a fallen world. Want to live out your faith in a continually pleasant and protective bubble? Order this cross today.
2nd Commentator: Thanks Wendy. Now here is (Ms./Mr.) Scarcely B. Seen modeling our traditional Holiday Cross. Although the market segment that traditionally purchases this designer cross is not here tonight, we thought we’d give you a sneak preview anyway. Notice the seasonal touches (mention items on the cross, to be determined by designer). Thank you Scarcely B. Seen.
1st Commentator: Now we introduce the new pocket-size or necklace size Crisis Cross, modeled by Tina C. Trouble. The Crisis Cross is exceptionally popular among students at exam time, among motorists in fender benders, soldiers in foxholes, white water canoeists who lose their paddles in class five rapids, and lost children at malls.
3rd Commentator: The popularity of this cross is due to its size – it can be hidden until a crisis arrives, until you need divine intervention. Until then – while your life is running smoothly – the pocket or necklace cross can remain safely out of sight. No one will even suspect you have one.
2nd Commentator: Thanks, Tina. And now, our final designer cross today, that doesn’t sell well, doesn’t look hot- – but we thought we’d pull it out to give you a look at the prototype for all our designer crosses,…. the Original Cross. Of course, as you’ve seen today, we’ve improved on it immensely through the years!
1st Commentator: We don’t get a lot of calls for this one anymore. As a matter of fact, our advertising firm is pushing us to drop this cross. After exhaustive market research, they have concluded that this cross simply doesn’t suit an individualistic culture.
3rd Commentator: Not to mention the demands this cross makes on its owners. This cross requires that its owners deny themselves, sacrifice themselves, serve others and their needs, love their enemies, speak and love nothing but the truth, walk the extra mile for others, be fiercely loyal and faithful at all costs to the One who first carried this cross.
2nd Commentator: Yet some fashion critics have pointed out that, though it’s not as flashy as our designer crosses, it does have simple lines and carries a clear statement.
1st Commentator: And we cannot deny that, however poorly it sells, its customer-satisfaction rating is phenomenal.
2nd commentator: The few who own one tell us of a deep contentment that this cross &its demands brought to their lives
1st Commentator: In the opinion of some, the warranty more than compensates for its plain looks.
2nd Commentator: Although most of our best selling crosses come with one-year guarantees ……….
1st Commentator:….and a few with lifetime guarantees…
3rd Commentator:…the original cross comes with an eternal guarantee. (pause) So which one will you take up today?
1st and 2nd Commentators in unison: We hope you consider purchasing from the prestigious line of designer crosses! (1)
1. Performed by the Maple Grove Players. We are still looking for the original source and will add when we find it.