Waiting On Death I

My uncle Pete, the youngest of my dad's brothers, passed away this past Saturday. He was the last of the four brothers. Two sisters of three are still alive. His funeral was Monday. It was a little more than two weeks from the day of diagnosis of cancer. He had undergone hip surgery a few weeks ago and was having a seemingly slow recovery. After weeks of his commenting on how he just didn't feel right, he was taken to the ER. The result was that it was determined that he was full of cancer and there wasn't much that could be done except make him comfortable.

The decision was made to take Pete to his home on North Maple Street in Ottawa (Ohio, for those of you who may not know the family roots). And, I'm guessing Pete had a little to say about it being his wish to go home for his final days. Pete lived his whole life on Maple Street. One of the mantras used numerous times in the funeral home during the visitation hours and at the funeral was: "He was born on Maple Street, he lived his whole life on Maple Street, and he died on Maple Street."  Hospice and the church were contacted and provided the necessary support to make his final days as comfortable as possible.

And so, there came a week of waiting for my cousins - Don, Deb, Diane and Daryl - and their spouses, children, grandchildren, and my aunt Jean. There were others who were part of the vigil both in the home and far away. The "Waiting on Death" experience is difficult, interesting, full of both good and bad emotions, comforting, peppered with the telling of stories both positive ones and negative ones - some recalling favorite family events and some revealing things never known before - faith, hope, joy, denial, tears, laughter, food, and well, about anything one can imagine.

The purpose of this post is to reflect for awhile on the experience of waiting on death. Depending on how much more I comment on in this post it's probably going to lead to one or two more pieces - a sort of Part I and Part II or a Blog Trilogy. Only time will reveal which it will be, so here goes:

I long ago lost count of how many times I was present with persons and their loved ones as the last hour approached. There were the family members - dad, grandparents, in-laws, and sister-in-law - but there were also the church members and friends. One of the unique aspects of being clergy is that we get invited into / included in this wondrous/mystical/magical/painful/healing period of time between a person learning they are going to die sooner than later and their actual death. I hope I am properly understood when I share with you that I experienced it as one of the most rewarding/fulfilling aspects of ministry. Oh, it was often hard and painful but the journey with a person and loved ones during those last days was also very profound and mysterious and spiritual. Words and emotions get shared then that are seldom ever so real. Well wishers - neighbors, friends, other relatives, the community of faith - all rally to aid in the grieving and waiting with food and calls and cards and visits depending on the personality and comfort level of the ones offering the support.

But, still there is the waiting - the knowing death is coming but not at all sure when. We ask for some idea: "How long, doc?" Usually doctors admit that there is really no way to know for sure but succumb to the family pressure and offer best guesses. That's what they really are in the final analysis, best guesses. I cannot tell you the number of times I've thought a dying person's final demise was very near and offered a prayer of release - an asking God to end the suffering by allowing them to enter the other world of existence - only to have a person linger on for hours or days. We professionals (that is, doctors, hospice nurses, and clergy) get the final hour wrong, a lot. But I've found even that to create some interesting and provocative conversations around the deathbed and I am thankful for the treasures those have been.

Well, I think I'm going to end this "Waiting on Death I" on that note. It's going to be a trilogy - II will revolve around the experience of waiting as my wife's mother death and in III I will share the contemplating I'm doing around my own "Waiting on Death." For now, PEACE BE WITH YOU!