?SERMON?: "Tears and Cheers"

"Tears and Cheers"
John 11:32-44

Another one of the PALS from our ALS support group passed away recently. She was diagnosed about the same time I was. She and her husband are one of the couples we've known the longest dealing with this reality of being one who is continually getting worse physically and the one providing the caregiving. They were such a positive and supportive couple - open about their situation and able to both laugh and cry in the group.

She stopped coming to group maybe about two years ago. He continued to come by himself for awhile. They began to use the help of hospice and their experience was probably one of the most influential reasons we decided to do the same last fall - a decision we haven't regretted. We have stayed in touch as Facebook friends. They are also the ones who recommended that we contact the Liberty Township Fire Department when we moved to the Powell area because of the special needs program they have. We did and it's a fabulous asset to the community and to our sense of comfort and security.

Her visitation was on Wednesday night and funeral on Thursday. One of the limitations of ALS is I tire and there's simply no way we can go to everything we want to. Especially frustrating is not being able to go to all the visitations and funerals for former church members, relatives of friends, etc. Because the visitation was in nearby Mt. Sterling and despite not having one of my best weeks physically or emotionally - perhaps partially because of her somewhat surprising death, perhaps partially because of having numerous health care visits, perhaps .... who knows - we decided we wanted to give it a go.

A side benefit was the opportunity to drive on out to Deer Creek State Park and spend a few hours in one of our favorite Ohio lodge lobbies. For two hours we sat next to each other (I still was in my wheelchair), sipping our Diet Cokes (no Diet Pepsi available!), and read books on our iPads. The Deer Creek State Park lobby is so warm, inviting, and comfortable. It doesn't provide the greatest water hole to look at, but the lobby makes up for it. It also brought back several memories of church workshops and family outings.

And then it was time to drive back into Mt. Sterling for the visitation. We saw numerous deer on the drive which added to a really nice afternoon. When we arrived at the funeral home just a few minutes after the start of visitation, there was no place to park. Sure it's what happens in small towns, but I think it also had a lot to do with the very special woman she was and that her family is. There were tears and there was laughter as family and friends came to comfort and remember. That's what communities do - communities of faith, family and friends - we cry together and we celebrate the well-lived lives of our loved ones.

The 11th chapter of the Gospel of John records the story of an episode in the life of Jesus and his friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. The three were siblings and close to one another as well as to Jesus. The only part of this lengthy and theologically inviting text I want to reference in this reflection is that verse often referenced in trivia games as the shortest verse in the Bible - "Jesus wept."

The two sisters had gone to Jesus to inform him that his friend and their brother, Lazarus, was not well. I guess Jesus didn't consider Lazarus' illness to be very serious because he took two more days finishing what he was doing. When they arrived in Bethany, the hometown of the trio, they were informed that Lazarus had been dead for four days and stunk. All of the siblings' friends were grieving with Mary and Martha - including Jesus. His grief was so great, he cried - wept.

It's what we do as a community of supporters/friends/caregivers - we grieve together - we shed tears about our loss, our common pain. And I'm not referencing here only communities of faith. It doesn't matter whether our community is made up of neighbors and friends, a bunch of people we worked with, people from the different towns we've lived in, family members, friends of our loved ones, past or present members of social or recreational groups we met with regularly, or even those who just knew of the deceased because of reputation in the community or world. I cried when Nelson Mandela died. I cried when members of my congregations died. I cried when parents of my high school or college friends died. I shed tears when I was informed of the sudden death of a classmate and then asked to do his memorial service. I mourn every time I hear of the death of another PALS, even if I only knew them as a fellow contributor on our "Living With ALS; for PALS Only" Facebook page.

"Jesus wept." This passage ordains tears as a proper response when we lose a friend or relative. The one who referred to himself as “the resurrection and the life” was sad about losing a friend. It is not a sign of a weak faith or a weak person to grieve. It simply is not true, as some of our faith seem determined to portray, that “real Christians” should only be joyous about everything that happens – that tears should never be shed, because pain is caused by God for our own good (Ugh! Sorry, just ugly untruth). We grieve – we are sad – we weep in the face of death because we are fully human just as our Savior Jesus was fully human. Healthy human beings grieve when painful things happen. Jesus cried because even if death does not speak the last word, it does speak a painful and hard word. The empty tomb is testimony that death is defeated, overcome, but not abolished.

“Jesus wept.” There’s nothing wrong with grief. There’s nothing wrong with shedding tears. It is a part of what it means to be human. It is expected of Christians as it is of all human beings. It’s one of the things we do with one another when someone important to us dies or even suffers.

But communities - all communities again - do something else very important with one another when someone dies. We hold funerals, more commonly and I happen to think appropriately referred to today as memorial services or services of celebration. We get together to remember and celebrate the life of the one who is no longer physically a part of our community. Sometimes we hold these events in funeral homes, sometimes in churches, sometimes in people's homes, sometimes in a favorite park or restaurant or bar, and sometimes in a school or a cemetery. And most of the time our tears are coupled with some cheers. Oh, not "Rah, rah" cheering, but laughter and hugs and words of encouragement and smiles and joy and hope as we remember the good times and the uniqueness of our loved ones - quirks and all. (True, it doesn't always happen. There are those occasions which are just too sad, too painful, too senseless. I don't want to ignore those realities even as I try to paint a picture of what is my most common experience. Please forgive me all those who've experienced such a tragedy in their life.)

When I think of the cheering role of our communities during the time after the death of a loved one, I cannot help but think of the passage in Hebrews (Hebrews 11 & 12) when the author provides this litany of folks who make up the "cloud of witnesses" (Hebrews 12:1) cheering us, encouraging us on our life journeys. I've often described that cloud of witnesses as our cheering section - usually as those who've gone before and play this role in the heavenly realms, but today I'm thinking it's helpful to consider our physical, living, communities who surround us in our day-to-day living.

As a community, we are those who live in the tension of shedding tears and cheering – we live as those who are able to shed tears and cheer at one and the same time – we are those who grieve deeply while deep inside us percolates this joy for the life lived by the one we loved. I think that's what was going on in that funeral home on Wednesday night as those who loved our friend and her family gathered. There were plenty of tears flowing, but there were also some cheers being offered - words of encouragement and hugs and laughter. May we all be mindful of our shared ministry of crying and cheering as we continue on this path of life together.